Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
