the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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