I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
