I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
