idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
