I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
