my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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