just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
