dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
