Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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