the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
