i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize