What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
