She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
