I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
