Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
