found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize