dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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