You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
