everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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