Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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