I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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