So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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