1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
