she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
