I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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