people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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