i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
