I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
