Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
