every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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