also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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