fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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