just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
