Yo dont text me then not text me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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