She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I faked an abortion last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
