brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
