Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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