This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
