I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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