Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
