sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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