i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
