Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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