How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
