You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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