i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
