saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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