no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize