They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
