All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
