On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
