I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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