when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
