Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
