I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
