This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
