Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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