he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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