when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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