If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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