Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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