Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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