I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this will be a night to untag.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
