I wish I could punch you in the face.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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