hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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