so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
