Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
