Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
