So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
