She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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