I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize