New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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