eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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