She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
