Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
