So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
