Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
