I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
