I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
