how can u be prego again
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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