You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
