Where is the hickey?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
