It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize