You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
