oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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