There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
