Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
