All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
