I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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