i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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